The incredible poking sloth is one of the most exceptional and pointless creatures on this planet. Hardly anything is known about this mysterious creature and I would be pretty certain that this is the first time you have ever heard about it. I have been lucky enough to learn a little bit about them and so I would like to pass on this knowledge. However a word of warning, if you do attempt to ever try and find one you will be bitterly disappointed as they are extremely shy and will dive for cover as soon as any footsteps approach. Oh I should also note that if you do manage to catch one of them they will start poking you and you will never escape; they will poke you until you are red raw, most probably dead. So I do sincerely wish you luck in your mission as you will most certainly need it. The poking sloth who is currently poking me concurs.
The first thing that is obviously prominent about the poking sloth is that they love poking. In fact poking is all they live for. They poke in the morning, poke in the day, poke at night. They even poke whilst sleeping, which is a pretty remarkable feat if you ask me. The index finger of their right hand is elongated to help assist with their poking. They also have extremely strong biceps and triceps that enable them to poke all day long and they stand in a stooped posture which enables the maximum amount of leverage for strong pokes.
The question that is probably stirring in your mind at this moment is what do they poke? Well it’s pretty obvious, they poke each other. And once they start poking they don’t stop (unless of course a fool like me stumbles upon them), which makes them one of the most pointless creatures in the entire universe. More pointless than both the dodo and the fruit fly. It is so pointless that it has gone unnoticed for thousands of years and it was only by accident that I eventually stumbled upon them.
The poking sloth begins life by poking its way out of its mother’s womb and from that moment on it begins its journey. The first poke in life is an inquisitive stab on the shoulder of another poking sloth in an attempt to get its attention. However, there is a huge problem as the sloth that it is poking is so immersed in poking of its own that it fails to notice that it is being poked. Obviously this sloth is poking another sloth and so on and so on until a sloth starts poking our original sloth and the circle is complete. It is a whole ecosystem based around poking.
It carries on like this until one sloth dies from over poking and then they all begin to drop like flies. The main cause of death in the other sloths, in fact the only cause of death is shock. They all suffer pulmonary failure when they eventually receive the attention of the sloth that they have spent their whole life trying to achieve. The sloth that they have been poking will turn around to see who is poking them, at which point the sloth that is doing the poking will not know what to do and keel over. It continues like this until the whole community dies, although not before they have impregnated each other, for their reproductive organs have evolved so that they are position in their poking finger. It is a sad existence and one of the most pointless to have ever graced my mind.
