Derek the Last Ever Dodo

Derek was the last dodo on earth. And he knew it. Not a day went by without somebody reminding him of the fact. It was a cruel existence. He was desperate to keep the species alive, but it really depended on whether he could manage to reproduce by himself. And try with all his might he just couldn’t do it – probably something to do with a lack of female dodos. But then again the saying is “as dumb as a dodo” and so he kept on trying.

Derek wandered the lands looking for a purpose to his life. If he was the last dodo then surely he should do something with it – make a name for himself. He wanted to be remembered for something other than being the last one. And so he tried his hand (or wing) at any opportunity that would present itself. In his life time he was the first dodo to bungee jump, the first dodo to paraglide (he wanted to know how it felt to be a real bird), traveled the world and saw the pyramids of Giza, Machu Picchu and the Victoria Falls, worked as a rickshaw driver in Delhi, and sold oranges on the streets of Beirut. And in all this time there was one constant thought preoccupying his mind: he must do more.

He fell in love. With an ostrich in Somalia. She was the most beautiful bird he had ever seen: big and voluptuous. But sexual intercourse was haphazard at best and he feared for his life. If she was ever to go on top then it would pretty much be over for him. And so with a heavy heart he left her and kept on wandering. He flew the English Channel in a bi-plane, sailed through the arctic waters to flirt with several penguins, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, white water rafted down the Grand Cannon, and suited up as an Astronaut and blasted into outer space.

But after all his years of travel he returned to his home and felt depressed for he was all alone and none of his adventures had filled that empty gap in his heart – the longing for another dodo. He sat down to rest and contemplate his future. He fell asleep.

A man stumbled upon this most mysterious of creatures – is it a dodo? My God I thought these had died out years ago. This must be the last one! What luck! Nobody will believe me. What can I do? I know!

He took a gun from his pocket, blew a hole in Derek’s head and took him to a taxidermist to have him stuffed. And then showed the world the last ever dodo.